5.28.2008
TRAMBLINGS...
With the help of some lovely, lovely women from UC SANTA CRUZ I finally ventured back into the land of the living. The past month or so my instinct has been to curl up in my room and shut out the world. I venture out here and there but I can do in on "robot mode". You know, I'm laughing, I'm talking, I'm telling a story but in reality "the lights ain't on". My sisters can recognize the signs and so can the Crown Prince who very gently said, "I miss you, baby."
I get it. I miss him too. Actually, I miss me but DAMN this is hard. The big triggers (Mother's Day) pass by without much notice but the little ones kick my natural ass. The phone rang last week at 1:13p.m. and I expected it to be my mother. She always called right after As The World Turns had started to tell me was about to run her errands and that the show was so stupid she didn't know why she bothered to watch anymore. She'd ask me if I knew something or other about one of the characters and I'd tell her (every day) that I didn't watch the show and I didn't know. She'd follow that up with "have you read anything on the internet?" Endless source of amusement to me and my sisters. I miss that silly call so when the phone rang at 1:13 I lost all semblance of the cool I had managed to muster the past couple weeks. C.P. to his endless credit rode it out like a champ. I ranted and raved, ranted some more, raved even harder, and he went along for every crazy loop of my emotional rollercoaster. I might have to clone that fool or at the very least have his baby. Whichever one comes first...
Anyway, I've been on autopilot for weeks but tonight I couldn't fake it and that felt good. I read to a room full of writing students, answered their questions and then went to dinner with a small group of students and FACULTY. Just really nice genuine people. I'm so excited to see what the students will do in the future. When I was asked to participate in the Living Writers Series by MICAH PERKS I suggested a short story contest. I received the manuscripts a couple of weeks ago and I was really impressed with the batch of submissions. The winners were announced at the reading and I was able to spend time with all three of them. I truly hope they keep in touch with me.
The university put me up at a cozy little hotel right on the sea cliffs. I can hear the surf crashing against the shore right outside my door. Peaceful, right? Well, not when I arrived. The first room they gave me left a lot to be desired. So much so I dubbed it "The Murder Cabin". I called C.P. and asked if I should just bail to another hotel. His answer. "Immediately." I think he was just imagining me calling him all night to complain about everything under the sun.
After I hung up I called the front desk to ask for another room.
FRONT DESK: How can I help you?
ME: I'd like another room. Something upgraded and a little bit more fancy.
FRONT DESK: Did you mess up the room you're already in?
ME: (STARING AT THE RECEIVER) What?
FRONT DESK: (In a slow voice). Did. You. Mess. Up. That. Room.
ME: No.
FRONT DESK: (real fast) Did you go to the bathroom?
ME: (ONCE AGAIN STARING AT THE RECEIVER) What?
FRONT DESK: Did you go to the bathroom?
ME: Uh, no.
FRONT DESK: Really? Cause that's the first thing people usually do when they check in?
ME: The rope, ticker tape, whatever you call it is still wrapped around the toilet.
FRONT DESK: Did you touch anything else?
ME: No.
FRONT DESK: Okay, cool. Come down here and I'll give you some keys so you can look at the other rooms.
Once I got to the front desk the very young clerk explained that the maid was gone which was why he stressed about the state of the room. I understood but my initial response was, "Fuck the maid, get an exorcist." I smiled instead and accepted his compliments about my necklace and the "whole cool thing I had going on". When I gave him my I.D. he looked at the address then said, "Oh, you're from L.A", as if it explained everything. Maybe it did. All I know is the upgrade included a fireplace, a flat screen TV and a jacuzzi tub. To quote my ever quotable mama, "A closed mouth don't get fed. Ask for what you want, baby." Shouldn't we all live by that?
Until next time...
With the help of some lovely, lovely women from UC SANTA CRUZ I finally ventured back into the land of the living. The past month or so my instinct has been to curl up in my room and shut out the world. I venture out here and there but I can do in on "robot mode". You know, I'm laughing, I'm talking, I'm telling a story but in reality "the lights ain't on". My sisters can recognize the signs and so can the Crown Prince who very gently said, "I miss you, baby."
I get it. I miss him too. Actually, I miss me but DAMN this is hard. The big triggers (Mother's Day) pass by without much notice but the little ones kick my natural ass. The phone rang last week at 1:13p.m. and I expected it to be my mother. She always called right after As The World Turns had started to tell me was about to run her errands and that the show was so stupid she didn't know why she bothered to watch anymore. She'd ask me if I knew something or other about one of the characters and I'd tell her (every day) that I didn't watch the show and I didn't know. She'd follow that up with "have you read anything on the internet?" Endless source of amusement to me and my sisters. I miss that silly call so when the phone rang at 1:13 I lost all semblance of the cool I had managed to muster the past couple weeks. C.P. to his endless credit rode it out like a champ. I ranted and raved, ranted some more, raved even harder, and he went along for every crazy loop of my emotional rollercoaster. I might have to clone that fool or at the very least have his baby. Whichever one comes first...
Anyway, I've been on autopilot for weeks but tonight I couldn't fake it and that felt good. I read to a room full of writing students, answered their questions and then went to dinner with a small group of students and FACULTY. Just really nice genuine people. I'm so excited to see what the students will do in the future. When I was asked to participate in the Living Writers Series by MICAH PERKS I suggested a short story contest. I received the manuscripts a couple of weeks ago and I was really impressed with the batch of submissions. The winners were announced at the reading and I was able to spend time with all three of them. I truly hope they keep in touch with me.
The university put me up at a cozy little hotel right on the sea cliffs. I can hear the surf crashing against the shore right outside my door. Peaceful, right? Well, not when I arrived. The first room they gave me left a lot to be desired. So much so I dubbed it "The Murder Cabin". I called C.P. and asked if I should just bail to another hotel. His answer. "Immediately." I think he was just imagining me calling him all night to complain about everything under the sun.
After I hung up I called the front desk to ask for another room.
FRONT DESK: How can I help you?
ME: I'd like another room. Something upgraded and a little bit more fancy.
FRONT DESK: Did you mess up the room you're already in?
ME: (STARING AT THE RECEIVER) What?
FRONT DESK: (In a slow voice). Did. You. Mess. Up. That. Room.
ME: No.
FRONT DESK: (real fast) Did you go to the bathroom?
ME: (ONCE AGAIN STARING AT THE RECEIVER) What?
FRONT DESK: Did you go to the bathroom?
ME: Uh, no.
FRONT DESK: Really? Cause that's the first thing people usually do when they check in?
ME: The rope, ticker tape, whatever you call it is still wrapped around the toilet.
FRONT DESK: Did you touch anything else?
ME: No.
FRONT DESK: Okay, cool. Come down here and I'll give you some keys so you can look at the other rooms.
Once I got to the front desk the very young clerk explained that the maid was gone which was why he stressed about the state of the room. I understood but my initial response was, "Fuck the maid, get an exorcist." I smiled instead and accepted his compliments about my necklace and the "whole cool thing I had going on". When I gave him my I.D. he looked at the address then said, "Oh, you're from L.A", as if it explained everything. Maybe it did. All I know is the upgrade included a fireplace, a flat screen TV and a jacuzzi tub. To quote my ever quotable mama, "A closed mouth don't get fed. Ask for what you want, baby." Shouldn't we all live by that?
Until next time...
Labels: Family, Reading, Santa Cruz
