7.03.2008
TRAMBLINGS...
It's been awhile and I apologize for that. There's been a lot to adjust to on this end. The new job, planning a wedding, trying to write and maintain a normal home life and figuring out how to grieve and function at the same time. I laugh again and the nights have gotten somewhat easier, but I still have uncontrollable moments of anger. I just miss my mom so much that sadness turns to fury in the beat of a heart. She's been kind enough to visit me in my dreams and that always makes me feel better but I know I have to let go so she can go.
Last week the Crown Prince and I were having the best time out at dinner. A quick trip to BUDDHA'S BELLY after work. Halfway through the meal I could feel my chest start to close and my breathing changed. Right there in the middle of the restaurant I just lost all my cool with absolutely no warning. Ever the pro, C.P. got the check, got me out and took me for a long walk in the park with Old Man Kobe. By the time we got back to the car I felt better but I was surprised at how fast and hard that one snuck up on me. During this entire process I've heard a million stories from people about grieving. Two stuck out and captured what I'd been trying to articulate. 1) "You'll Never Get Over It But You'll Get Used To It." Damn. That one just hit home. So true. 2) "You'll never stop grieving but the episodes of grief will come further and further apart.
I shared both of these with my sisters and it seemed to give them all some comfort. On the positive side, one of things my mother wanted more than anything was a big, rousing 60th birthday party so we're going to throw her one. Cake, balloons, food, family, friends and toasts as long as people can stand and give them. Or, if the celebrations have you laid out on the floor well, then, give them from down below. All I want is a really good time in her honor and a lot of smiles.
Wedding plans are slowly coming along. It helps that I am doing a low key event. We're getting married in September out in Palm Springs. Besides actually marrying the Crown Prince I am most excited about lounging together with family and friends in the days up to after the ceremony. And damn if we didn't go to a kick ass new restaurant that can actually cook southern style food without it being down market, greasy or unhealthy. I almost licked my plate, C.P.'s and my neighbors. When the chef came out to ask if we enjoyed our meal I roped him into catering the event. Nice, huh? The coordinator called me yesterday to "talk menu" and my mouth started to water on cue. Can't wait. For any of it.
Until next time...
It's been awhile and I apologize for that. There's been a lot to adjust to on this end. The new job, planning a wedding, trying to write and maintain a normal home life and figuring out how to grieve and function at the same time. I laugh again and the nights have gotten somewhat easier, but I still have uncontrollable moments of anger. I just miss my mom so much that sadness turns to fury in the beat of a heart. She's been kind enough to visit me in my dreams and that always makes me feel better but I know I have to let go so she can go.
Last week the Crown Prince and I were having the best time out at dinner. A quick trip to BUDDHA'S BELLY after work. Halfway through the meal I could feel my chest start to close and my breathing changed. Right there in the middle of the restaurant I just lost all my cool with absolutely no warning. Ever the pro, C.P. got the check, got me out and took me for a long walk in the park with Old Man Kobe. By the time we got back to the car I felt better but I was surprised at how fast and hard that one snuck up on me. During this entire process I've heard a million stories from people about grieving. Two stuck out and captured what I'd been trying to articulate. 1) "You'll Never Get Over It But You'll Get Used To It." Damn. That one just hit home. So true. 2) "You'll never stop grieving but the episodes of grief will come further and further apart.
I shared both of these with my sisters and it seemed to give them all some comfort. On the positive side, one of things my mother wanted more than anything was a big, rousing 60th birthday party so we're going to throw her one. Cake, balloons, food, family, friends and toasts as long as people can stand and give them. Or, if the celebrations have you laid out on the floor well, then, give them from down below. All I want is a really good time in her honor and a lot of smiles.
Wedding plans are slowly coming along. It helps that I am doing a low key event. We're getting married in September out in Palm Springs. Besides actually marrying the Crown Prince I am most excited about lounging together with family and friends in the days up to after the ceremony. And damn if we didn't go to a kick ass new restaurant that can actually cook southern style food without it being down market, greasy or unhealthy. I almost licked my plate, C.P.'s and my neighbors. When the chef came out to ask if we enjoyed our meal I roped him into catering the event. Nice, huh? The coordinator called me yesterday to "talk menu" and my mouth started to water on cue. Can't wait. For any of it.
Until next time...
Labels: Family, Grief, Wedding
